I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
