I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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