he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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