i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
