WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
