You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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