On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
