I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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