So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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