everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
