the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
