oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
