dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
