omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
