You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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