I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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