Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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