I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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