so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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