You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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