Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
