Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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