it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
