No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
