That's intense
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Someone shattered a urinal.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
