She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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