I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
