I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
