Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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