I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
