Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
