hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Come see our sink grown plant.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
