barbara walters just said penis...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
