I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
