You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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