Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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