i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
