she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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