ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the day after is always just damage control
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
