fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize