i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
