In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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