It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
