I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
