I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
