I hate all girls vehemently.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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