cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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