WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
