Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize