Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
