remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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