id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
