I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
