Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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