shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
