I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
