for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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