Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
