Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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