i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
