I just made out with a guy for $7.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize