I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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