you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize