Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
