The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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