I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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