i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
