I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
