Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
