Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
