Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
