Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
FUCK WHALES
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
