You made me cry and you don't even care
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
