Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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