i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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