oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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